WoW.....

uhhh today was going fine until i got a call from diana. i was leaving cayla's house and diana called so i picked it up and she told me that one of my old "friends" got into a realy bad car accident and the person he hit was flown to the hospital... he's alright but the person he hit is in crittical condition and isnt expected to make it. The police are doing tests on my friend to see if he had alcohol in his system...

 

it just made me think of how ur life can change in a matter of seconds....

Smetimes, I realize things just a little too late, maybe i'm just indenial most of the time...or I just keep finding myself wishing that the people i care most about would never hurt me,... but we all know the answer to that.

I have a way of hiding my feelings when they hurt the most... i dont want people to see right through me, i dont want them to see how valnurable i actually really am.

I wish fake personalities weren't true. i wish people would act like they really are and not what they think that other person would want them to be like.

Don't judge someone by what their wearing... when thats the least you should be worrying about...

 

wow, as you can see i've been THINKING ALOT lately. Somethings in my life aren't right, and yeah of course i make stupid deicisions, but obviously im not onblivious to it. I'm gonna admit that my life is screwed up, but im not gonna blame it on other people, its my fault when i put myself in a difficult situation that maybe im not able to get out off. Idk, alot of times it seems like im "setting myself up to get hurt" most of the time, and it sucks. But i was talking to my grandpa and he said the simplest thing to me that i've heard before, but he just said it at the right time and this time hearing it from my mentor just meant so much to me "This too shall come to pass". All the crap in my life means nothing when I look to the glory of God,and it'll go away if you let him take it. lol thats it im done being depressed and emotional for one night. you finally see how my mind works... wierd?

~Favorite~
1. gum: most deff. spearamint~
2. restaurant: umm El Adobe
3. drink: hmm rootBEER....(hold the root) lol
4. season: winter!
5. type of weather: umm cold and windy...snowy
6. emotion: umm flustered in a happy way...excitment
7. thing to do on a half day: go out to my house and dance....lol
8. late-night activity: driving around or watching a movie
9. sport: to watch - SoCcEr
10.city: ummm... dunno

~When was the last time you~
12. cried: about 2 hours ago... :(
13. played a sport: ha haha no comment
14. laughed: like 10 minutes ago... ash u crack me up
15. hugged someone: lol last night
16. kissed someone: no comment
17. felt depressed: tonight
18. felt overworked: never
19. faked sick: umm last week
20. lied: can't remember


~What was the last~

21. word you said: go
22. thing you ate: pizza....*barf*
23. song you listened to: Such a State by Edison Glass
24. last thing you drank: water
25. place you went to: matt's house
26. movie you saw: saw
27. movie you rented: saw

~Who was the last person you~

28. hugged: Jord-o
29. cried over: hmmm lets see
31. danced with: ashley lol
32. shared a secret with: mel
33. had a sleepover with: cayla
34. called: chet
35. went to a movie with:....idk i havent gone to the movies in a long time
36. saw: ash, steve and matt
37. were angry with: uhhh
38. cant take your eyes off: ha haha
39. obsessed over:wow i hate obsessed people

~Have you ever~
40. danced in the rain: nope
41. kissed someone: yeah...
42. done drugs: nope
43. drank alcohol: nah
44. partied 'til the sun came up: thats the only thing im good at
45. had a movie marathon: nah those suck
46. gone too far on a dare: unfortunately yes
47. spun until you were immensely dizzy: and then barfed? hmmm


~My life~
49. name: Stef
50. gender: Chic
51. birthday: may 3, 1989
52. relationship status: you guys kno more than me...so tell me?

~Play~

55. i'm feeling: dissapointed
56. i'm listening: to some japaneese cartoon johnathon is watching lol
57. i'm doing: someone lol jk
58. i'm talking to: no one
59. i'm craving: nothing.... well i wanna barf
60. i'm thinking of: all my problems and how to deal with them
61. i'm hating: being stuck in this house

~Love~
62. love is: crazy
63. my first love: knows who he is <33
64. my current love: knows who he is
65. love or lust: lust? whats that? lol
66. best love song: let's make love...alll night lonnggggg until all our stregnth is gonne..... hold on tight... dont let gooo i wanna feel you in my souuuulll.. ok thats enough u get the idea.
67. Possible to be in love w/ more than one person at the same time: i geuss it is, but i dont think thats possible for me... its just wrong
68. when love hurts: it seems as if no one in the whole world can make the pain go away...
69. is there such thing as love @ first sight...? yeah there can be i geuss

~Opposite/same sex~
70. turn ons: nice bod, tall, awesome hair, great personallity, someone who can make me laugh, someone who knows what his absolutes are
71. turn offs: jerwaud, player, conceededness.
72. do your parent's opinion on your gf/bf matter to you?: most deffinately
73. what kinda hairstyle are you into?: guys...long hair but short hairs cool too...
74. What is the sweetest thing a girl/guy can do for you?: make me feel wanted....
75. where do you go to meet new people?: i dont put myself out there and expect to meet new people, i just end up meeting new people....

76. do you ask for phone numbers?: lol sometimes, only if i feel the guy is gonna be nothing more than a friend, but if i really like the guy than i won't ask for his phone number, he has to ask for mine...

~Picky Picky~

77. dog or cat: DaWgS boiii
78. short or long hair: mmm long
79. sunshine or rain: sunshine
80. hugs or kisses: kisses
81. summer or winter: winter
82. written letters or e-mails: who cares
83. nintendo or motorcycles: croch rockets..woohoo
85. house party or club: idk i've never been to one
86. sing or dance: lol dance
87. freak or slow dance: lolo wow easy

~Lately~
88. How are you today? hangin on
89. what pants are you wearing right now?: american eagle jeans
90. what shirt are you wearing right now? blue soccer shirt
91. what does your hair look like at the moment: straight and down and it makes me wanna get a haircut
92. what song are you listening to right now? none
how is the weather right now? its crappy? i dunno im inside
94. who was last person you talked to on the phone? chet
95. last dream I can remember?: who knows... i have the CRAZIEST dreams if ya kno what i mean...wow im deffiately kidding



1)Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought:
1. awesome underwear from victoria secrets
2. awesome bra from v.S
3.a shirt from american eagle
4. jean skirt from american eagle
2)Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink
1. wata
2. sprite
3. apple juice
4. and ice lol

3)Last Time You Cried? tonite
4)What's In Your CD Player? umm prolly some rap mix...yeah baby!
5)What's Under Your Bed? a crazy old man lol
6)What Time Did You Wake Up Today? let's see.... 11
7)Current Worry? too hard to explain
8)Current Hate? no one
9)Favorite Place To Be? in the arms of a person who cares about me
10)Favorite Color(s)? pink...red...and purple?lol
11)How Tall Are You? 5'3 (Thanks for comin to our school ash, they used to make fun of me for being short but now i can just be like u think im short? look at ashley!!) lol i love you
12)One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk To: no one really important from my life has passed on...
13)Favorite Day(s? friday's and wednsdays
14)Where Would You Like To Go? ohio...
15) Where do you want to live when you get married? up north.. either ohio or indiana... if at all possible... but i'd miss my family like crazy
16)Favorite food? right now? nothing, i can't even think about eating any type of food right now...
17)Color of most clothes you own: probably blue?
18)Number of pillows you sleep w/: not enough....but around 5

lol ok heres the rest of the conv-o



aftersunrise 8 [9:51 PM]: HAHHAA JUST KIDDING
aftersunrise 8 [9:51 PM]: ONLY KIDDING
aftersunrise 8 [9:51 PM]: that was sick...
me [9:51 PM]: ewwwww
me [9:52 PM]: thats all im gonna say
aftersunrise 8 [9:52 PM]: haha
me [9:53 PM]: im posting that in my livejournal
me [9:53 PM]: sicko
aftersunrise 8 [9:53 PM]: NOOO
aftersunrise 8 [9:53 PM]: i was kidding

P.S. sorry ash, i just had to do it

me [9:50 PM]: poor kid
me [9:50 PM]: he was crying because he thought u saw his weenie!
aftersunrise 8 [9:51 PM]: hahahaha
aftersunrise 8 [9:51 PM]: i wish i did...

ok well yeah i havnt updated in a long time cause i've been too pissed off and frustrated to. well ok, not msot the time but anyways, i've learned to deal with people treating me like crap. k this is my live journal and i can say what i want to....soo.... if you really dont like someone, don't tell everyone about that person and what you think about them, keep it to yourself... even if you think what their doing is wrong, its not your place to say crap behind their back. yeah i kno i gotta work on that, with a certain someone, but when they hurt you so bad its hard not to keep your mouth from wondering all over the place. but anyways, tonight i was going to church but i was like 30 minutes late so i just ended up coming over to chets and im gonna be leaving for my aunt and uncles house tonight sometime.... soo yeah. but i guess thats all...
Stef~*

uhh im sure everybody has heard the whole thing about me so-called "skipping", and i dont even wanna talk about it ne more. but im grounded just until tomorrow... and then im free!! woo hoo! so yeah, i've been sitting around the house practically doing nothing, and lemme tell you, its pretty darn exciting. im jk. but it has been cool hanging out with my mom, ya gotta love her. well... i have nothing else to talk about so later guys

Stef~*

well... first of all lemme just say... O MY STINKIN CRAZY!

these couple of weeks couldn't have been awesomer. everything just seems to be falling in place, but it seems like everytime that happens...something goes wrong...s o im just waitin... waitin for something to go wrong. i kno, thats deff. not the attitude i need to have, but im workin on it... lol keish lsat nite was halarious!! those guys were crackin me up, good thing steve was there to protect us incase ne thing happened! lol me and jenn played our chior c.d. on our surround sound tonite, and we were like singing to it,...it was freakin halarious. well school's goin pretty good. i still have to study for a french test tomorrow.... sooo thats it for not i guess! luv ya guys...

<33Stef

Oh my crazy russia! I got back on the fourth at 3:30 in the morning from Russia. It was so much fun! Despite the drama that went around. Anyways, the village was the best part. Being able to be around the kids despite the language barrier, they still loved to be with you. We went to the bathroom in little outhouses and showered in little shacks with 55 gallon barrels on the top. Being in russia makes me appreciate the things we have here, and i was so happy to get back to america. I can't really think of anything else.... but anyways, i went in today to change my schedule and stuff so my new schedule is

English II

Computer Scheduler

French I

Geometry

Touring Choir

World History

Biology I

Soo yeah... tonight im going over to Jenny Masts Bridal Shower and then i dont know what im doing after that but i really wanna see the dukes of hazzard so hopefully i'll be able to see that tonite but who knows. Ok well... i guess thats it...

Stef~*

hey crazies!! The day that we leave is finally here. I leave in about 8 and a half hours.... i can't wait. I'm gonna miss everyone tho! Especially you chet!! I hope you dont get crazy from me being gone... like you used to when you were away from your mom....lol its good to kno those kinda things.... anyways, today my mom took me and my sis to the brandon mall and bought clothes for russia and for school....yeah i love my mom..... im gonna miss her. but not as much as my sister will. lol don't worry jenn it'll be OK! Anyways, after the mall chet picked me up at target and we went to goodwill.... it took us a freakin hour to find it, and i was being really mean to chet, sorry again... i heart you. Anyways, well i bought these "soccer" shorts... but when i got home to try them on, i noticed that they had a mesh nut holder... hopefully you know what im talking about... so i was like ewww! and cut them off, it was pretty nasty. then after that i went to eat with chet and his crazy family.. it was fun and then after that i came home and packed... and then went to matt's then dropped my lugauge off at the church... then went back to matts....and then i just got home from going to walmart with allen...oh my he's crazy. ok well i just wanted to fill out one more entrie before i left...so this is the one!! I won't hear from you guys for two weeks.... hopefully you'll survive, but i doubt it. Jed, I'm so mad you couldn't come... hopefully your having fun in honduras or however you spell it... have fun sitting around at home without us.. see ya when we get back. I'm outie.....

Stef~*

Back me down from backing up

 hold your breath now its stacking up

etched with marks but i can deal

your the problem and you cant feel

try this on straight jacket feeling

so maybe i wont be alone

take back now my life your steelin

yesterday was gone

but today im fine without you

run away this time without you

and all i ever thought u'de ever be

that face is tearuing holes in me again.

trust you is just one deffence

of the list of others you dont make sence,

bang me time and time again t

o take you back now but you cant win

take back now my life your steelin

yesterday was gone

but today im fine without you

run away this time without you,

and all i ever thought you'd be

that face is tearin holes in me,

but today im fine without you

run away this time without you,

and all the things you put me through

im holdin on but letting go of you.

 

hey suckas....
today was pretty much exciting, and im beign sarcastic.
this morning i woke up at 9:30, trying to decide if i wanted to get up, or sleep in more,...and of course i decided to sleep in longer....well until 1 in the afternoon, i know what a bum. anyways, later on today me matt and chet went to target to get some stuff for russia....yesss we're leavin friday!! im so excited. anyways, after that i went to my grandpa and grandma's house.... it was kinda sad... i kno that dosent make sence, but i know what im talking about. anyways, after that iw as just gonna come home but i went over to sarahs to hang out with the balla's... and then we came over to my house, and im such a bad friend... i left and went to the movies with steve and jamie....im sorry sarah and clarissa!!! oh, but my sis made it clear that i wasnt doing the right thing, i know you only mean well jenn....well most of the time... ok well sometimes...lol im jk. anyways, their....well doing something very top secret right now that we cannot speak of... and im online playing spider solitare....woo hoo!!! anyways, tomorrow...im sleepin in again...then goin to church... wow. anyways, well i guess thats all... later ppl's
Stef*

Are there no shadows where you are?

I can see everything as day

problems that you try to hide away

are pushing me aside

Could the winter calm come twice?

Because your heart seems cold tonight

Thirst for substance somehow isnt right

It's killing me inside

It's killing you inside, you're killing me inside

I don't wanna be where you are

i dont wanna be here even now

i dont wanna be by your side

if something isnt right

this is our last goodnight

say what you will

say all that you can

words have no meaning

when i've seen where you've been

this is our last goodnight

this is where love ends

are you so naive to right and wrong?

how could you watch innocence forgone?

does what we have done ever really belong?

it wasted me away, i feel so wasted away...

God, if you can hear me out alright

Please take these feelings for him inside

my chest hurts when i breathe tonight

it's wasting me away, you're wasting me away

hey guys.... yeah ok sorry i havent updated in a long time. anyways, last night me and sarah went over to clarissa's.... oh my crazy, we stayed up until 6 in the morning!!! and me and sarah woke up around 7 and left....lol if only you guys knew... lol sarah, i have to say that that dress was totally awesome and u looked beautiful in it!! lol... some of clarissa's friends shay and leeman came over around 5 and brought us milk shakes, those guys are crazy. i dont really remember what else happened except i was dancin and sarah told me to stop, and i was really hyper. " Hey Balla!!! We're havin a Balla night!!!!!" lol...ok ne ways... umm today i had to take a sheet of banana bars to sarahs aunt joe... and then i met sarah at chicfila....then we went over to steves to try to get him to clean sarahs car, but that wasnt succesful, and then now im at home. i had to stay here the whole stinkin night...gosh i hate it! But o well. Anyways, a while ago i applied for a job at american eagle, and my interview thingy was on wed. at 3... so on wed. i left the house at like 2:20...and im drivin along, and i get stuck in traffic cause of a bad accident on fruitville.... i was like o crap im gonna be freakin late, but i finally made it to the mall.... but it was 3:20!!! i was so mad. i got there and the lady was like im done with giving interviews, i'll have to call you next time, i was like dangit, im not gonna get the job. so i called adam and told him what happened and he was like what the crap! so he talked to the lady today and he got me another interview!! i was like yesssss...so i go in tomorrow at 3 so im leaving the house at 2, and chets comin with me....he's my good luck charm..ha ha yeah right...ok anyways, so im pretty much psyked.....ha ha i dunno how to spell...but anyways, russias in like 7 days, i can't wait its gonna be so awesome!! Oh man.... this week has been crazy.. im so confused about a bunch of stuff... like why does the stuff that happens to me...happens?? o well... i guess thats life. anyways... im outie...

Stef~*

hey guys, HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!! Yippee. anyways, today was freakin awesome. Yamil came this morning, she's one of sarah and i's friends from lakewood, and she wanted to come down and spend the fourth with us, cause we're just that cool. anyways, so our youth group went out to sarahs property and went four-wheeling, it was so much fun. And i got burnt and i takled sarah in the mud,... and she pretty much amde me lay belly first in the mud which was kind of gross, but anyways, after that we came over to my aunt connies house to take showers and eat some delicious subs, but sarah went in to take her shower but after she was done she didnt have any clothes to change into because they were in jenn's car and jenn wasnt here yet, so we figured by the time sarah was out of the shower jenn would be here, but it turns out she wasnt here, so we tried calling jenn but we couldnt get a hold of her, so sarah was like waiting in her towel in my aunts room for like literally an hour. but i got a hold of jenn and she was at home getting a shower so i like sped all the way to my house from my aunts to get sarahs clothes, and finally i got back here and sarah had clothes...so yeah. anyways, later on tonite we might go see firworks or see a movie or soemthing like that, chet, dont worry i wont forget to call you, we still dont know what we're doing!! sorry! Ok later chics and....guy>?
Stef~*

hey guys!! im back from lakewood....well i got back on friday... tear tear. sarah, we practically cried all the way home...ok no not really. anyways. camp was SO awesome!! it totally was more than i expected. god moved in my life a way i would have never saw coming. the counselors there are so awesome and encouraging. me n sarah made so many friends, and we miss them already. geenie weenie was the best. anyways, we got there on sunday and all of the kids arrived... im not gonna go through all the details. anyways... ryan baucoms band was playing there for worship and they totally rock. so me n sarah hung out with ryan and shawn (ryans supposedly good friend) sarah u kno what im talkin about. one of the friends that me n sarah made was a guy named daniel...he's so awesome and i miss him already... anyways his older brother is the lead guitarist in underoath...and yeah... anyways... lol i was so scared of erin... the head counselor girl.. cause the last year that i was a camper at lakewood i was in her cabin and then i switched out of her cabin to be with a different couselor...lol thank god she didnt remember!! lol ok anyways... i really dont know what else to write, i could write a bunch of more stuff but that would deff. take way too long. so im gonna go now... later ppls
Stef~*

hey guys! im back from lakewood for one day cause we got tonite off which is sat. and then tomorrow until 2 in the afternoon because its fathers day tomorrow so im spending the day with my dad and going to abundant life and eating out with them and stuff so that should be fun. fri. was crazy, we have like 2 hour meetings like twice aday...and their just boring. but other than the guys being TOTALLY freaking hott!! B-rad is awesome sarah! he was kinda wierd at first but he deff. reminds me of allen! so cool! we make fun of him SOOO much!! woo hoo! Joe's so cool! and... daniel...wow!! his brother is the lead guitarist in underoath!! he's so awesome! he has like all his brothers merch in his garage and he's sending me a hoodie...supposedly. but thats cool! erins halarious!! today we had to go canoeing and b-rad and daniel flipped their canoe over to like demonstrate how to flip it back over...and yeah that kinda didnt work, they flipped it over and they couldnt flip it back over and they had to swin all the way back to shore with the alligators and it was fun! yeah and yesterday we did the ropes course and that was fun other than getting hurt and bleedin,.....but everybody theres cool! ok.. well jenn keeps sticking a light saber down my pants and in my crack...so i better go!! ha ha ok later fuglies!! i luv u chet! i want you boday yay jkk!!! woo...ok im gonna go..later
Stef~*

oh my sick and a half....today was pretty much crazy!! This morning i woke up to mel screamin at jenn....SORRY JENN!! and then me n johnathon sat here adna te breakfast and then ate lunch and then we went with sarah and rachelle to like 3 freakin goodwills!! two of which were only drop off donations so no luck there...we were lookin for some boy shorts...and ina said that we should look at goodwill...so we did....lol but boy did we ever not find anything...it was like candycane stripped old man pants!! those were hott...lemme tell you about it! anyways...so we gave up on goodwill and went straight to old navy...me n sarah both got a pair of bermuda shorts....oh my halarious...sarah tried on one pair of shorts and she came out and was like uhhh they hurt me!! and they looked like she was wearing a pair of johnathons little shorts!! i about pee'd my pants!! oh my funny....so she finally found a pair and so did i...then we both got like cumfy sweat pants that are freaking awesome...and yeah then we went to mcdonalds and me n rachelle were tryint o teach johnathon how to likc an ice cream cone....and wow it deffinatly wasnt perverted like it sounds...lol. so then i went and dropped johnathon off at his house and then me n steve went over to walgreens off of university....and i got my dumb visa pictures for russia...ha they look so dumb! i like too a deep breath before they took it cause i dunno i think steve was making me laugh...but they're pretty much ugly! and then iw ent over to steves house for them to fix my window but it only ended up me not being able to put it up at all! but then steves fixing it tomorrow.....and then i got home and later on bs kept calling me and yelling at me for me and rachelle putting ketchup on his car, saying that it took the paint off but he was really lying to me....and he was acting like he was really mad....and he kept yelling at me and then i yelled at him...and then sarah called him and told him to stop being mean and to stop lying to me and i was really upset so bs called and i didnt accept his call so he left a message saying he was sorry and junk like that....so thats all over...they gave me a freakin hurnia for no flippin reason!! gah! anyways....o crap i gotta stop saying bad words...great there i go again. anyways... ya'll better e-mail me while im in lakewood!!! here's the adress to mail it to!! oh great....i actually dont have it....but ask my sister jenn... she'll have it...her livejournal is imarichgirl lol sorry jenn!! luv ya guys!!
Stef~*

hey chics n dudes.....

today was pretty boring... i couldnt get to sleep until 2 in the morning... what a suprise... and then i woke up at 8:30 and picked up Johnathon... and we watched Star Wars episode 6 (the last one....yessss) and for breakfast i made him awesomely delicious pancakes, and now we're just getting done watching the might ducks...lol and he's playing with lego's... wow this kid is soo hard to watch! wow... ok well yesterday morning when i went to pick up johnathon... i looked in my side mirror and noticed that my stupid gas flippy thingy on the side of the car was open...which is kind of embarrasing for me.. so i pulled into apple bee's parking lot and right when i was about the open the door and get out i see that there's this guy in his jeep sitting behind me... and i was like what the heck!! so i was like ok do i get outa my car... or stay in... and i looked in my side mirror to look at him and he was staring right at me smiling! i was like wow wow...so i got outa my car and he was like well hey! and i was like uhh hi... and he was like i thought i'd let you know your gas cap is open... and i was like umm i see that...thanks. and he was like yeah sure... see ya later! and i was like ookk bye... and he like sat there for like 5 seconds and then finally left...i was like what the crap... maybe im just not used to guys going out of there way while their driving on fruitville to tell me my gas caps open... and none the less i just woke up and looked like crap.! ha haha it was funny... k well im gonna go... by the way... sare i can't wait till lakewood... we're practically gonna be like little campers... lol k later

Stef~*